Cupid Is Armed And Dangerous
by KRTheBlackPearl
Summary: AU. A retelling of Jane Austen's Emma starring the Z-cast. Romance so snarky it'll make you sick. 'He smirked as an idea came to him, one so ingenious that he could not ignore it. "If you're so certain that Yamcha has a heart of gold, why don't we enter into a kind of contest?"' BULGETA!


**Summary: AU. A retelling of Jane Austen's ****Emma**** starring the Z-cast. Romance so snarky it'll make you sick. BULGETA!**

**Full Summary: Bulma is beautiful, rich, and smart as a whip. She's also a self-proclaimed matchmaker. Her closest and dearest association, Vegeta, highly disapproves of her foolish antics. He insists that she is ruining lives by convincing people they feel a false sense of affection for one another instead of letting them fall in love without external encouragement. One night she accepts a challenge, that if Vegeta can keep Lunch (a young woman barely introduced to society) and Yamcha apart, she will never take part in the game known as matchmaking again. Vegeta enters the contest with little hesitation and together they embark on a journey that will change everything about their relationship. Romantic shenanigans galore! **

**Characters**

**Bulma = Emma**

**Vegeta = Knightly**

**Lunch = Harriet**

**Yamcha = Mr. Elton**

**Tien = Mr. Martin**

**Goku = Mr. Weston**

**Chichi = Miss Taylor**

**A/N: Hopefully this hasn't been done too many times before (if it has, well then I guess I'll just have to cross my fingers and hope that this story entertains). This is based LOOSELY on the 1996 movie ****Emma****, much is subject to change. I'm not so sure whether I want to make this anything more than a love story. To be honest, I fell head over heels for the show Dragon Ball Z Kai and I've only just begun reading the Dragon Ball manga. I don't want to make them fighters in this story because I'm only familiar with their personalities, not their histories or superhuman/alien abilities. Plus I'm afraid I'd get flamed for all the inaccuracies that would inevitably ensue. I just don't think I have enough authority over the characters yet to do much more with them than this. **

Cupid is Armed and Dangerous

Chapter One: Challenge Accepted

A smile tugged at the corner of Bulma's fine mouth, but she resisted the desire to grin like a fool. Her cerulean eyes shone with mirth and pride as she watched her old governess dance jovially with her newlywed husband, a strong young man who went by the name Goku. They were a fine match; she had decided that she had done well in introducing them and nurturing their romance. And he was quite the catch, despite being overly naïve he was handsome in his own right and was in the possession of quite an impressive estate. Chichi caught the heiress observing them and beamed, gratitude shining from her pores. Bulma's heart swelled with happiness at seeing her friend so content, if only she could make this feeling last forever. She loved helping people. It would be selfish of her not to considering her father owned the entire county and that she had endless expenses at her disposal.

"Reaping the reward I see."

Bulma grinned when she heard that rough voice, but didn't bother to turn and address the person it sprang forth from. "Indeed. I would say 'I told you so', but it is impolite for a lady to gloat." She smoothed her lavender bodice and propped herself up on the balls of her feet. She felt positively giddy.

Skirts swirled and the room was vibrant with life, she could not think of a better way to spend a summer's eve. She glowed with elation knowing this celebration was all thanks to her.

"Hn. Since when have the general rules of society stopped you from doing whatever you wanted?"

At this she laughed. "Many times actually. If I could, I would wear a pair of those fine riding breeches instead of sitting sidesaddle in frilly, massive skirts." She frowned and finally looked at Vegeta. He was so fetching in his dark blue suit, and the white collar at his neck contrasted so elegantly with his black hair and tan skin that she was nearly rendered speechless. She found her train of thought after a moment's appreciation of his appearance. "I can allow him to move no faster than a slow canter. CC must find it positively horrid that I restrain him so cruelly."

Her friend chuckled darkly. "That fat gelding of yours is pushing his limit at that speed. Every time you bring him out I expect him to fall over in exertion."

She resisted the urge to splash the man with what red wine was left in her glass. "How dare you! CC is a fast animal! He could outrun Saiyan any day of the week… with one hoof missing at that."

Vegeta snorted, not a very gentlemanly gesture, but Bulma was quite used to his harshness. She watched as he raised a brow. "Obviously you know nothing about horses."

"Perhaps that is true, but I know much about my own and he deserves more credit than that high-strung stallion of yours." She turned away from him, her gaze settling on the newlywed couple. "Besides, I know enough of matchmaking to satisfy my thirst for knowledge. There is your proof." Vegeta's mouth quirked unpleasantly and Bulma gaped at him. "You think it is not an advantageous marriage?"

He considered the couple a second longer. "For the woman perhaps."

Bulma flew into an instant rage. "Mr. Vegeta! How could you say something like that?"

His shoulders hunched and he glared at her. "Must you yell? I am merely telling the truth. She has no fortune whatsoever, nor is she familiar with that of Goku's society. Take a look around woman, do you see his family showering him with congratulations? And what of his friends? There are few to be found."

Bulma narrowed her eyes at her companion. "What does it matter? So long as they're happy her background should matter not!"

"Yes, but are they truly in love? Truly happy? Or have you planted seeds of false affection in their hearts? I fear you have let you endearment for Miss Chichi cloud you senses."

Honestly, Bulma was ready to do something extremely violent and unladylike. "I am finished talking with you this evening." She turned her nose up and went to move away when he reached out and took her by the elbow. She was momentarily stunned by his touch. She glanced down at his bronze hand, long warm fingers caging her arm in a gentle, iron grip. She followed that arm all the way up to the face of Vegeta. She had known him many years, and couldn't quite remember anything interesting about her life before he came into the picture. She studied his face with a quirked brow, taking in the sharp angles of his bone structure and dark eyes. He slackened his grasp on her, but his fingers remained at her sleeve, their warmth permeating through her dress.

"You are too sensitive." She frowned at his comment, but could not be moved to free herself from his observation of her. "Would you like to-"

At that precise moment, Yamcha, a strapping young man of five and twenty came sidling up to the couple. Vegeta's mouth stretched into a slight sneer, but Bulma hardly accounted for it.

"Yamcha!" She curtsied to him, nudging Vegeta in his side when he refused to bow even his head in greeting. She smiled at the intruder dolefully. "That was a wonderful ceremony. We were so moved by your grace, you have such an enchanting countenance about you. Neither of us could help but admire the ease with which you bonded the pair."

The young reverend's cheeks flushed and he nearly didn't stop himself from scratching the back of his head like a bashful schoolboy. Vegeta laughed inwardly at his foolishness, his sour expression twisting into a pleased smirk. He couldn't deny the joy he felt at seeing the intrusive youth squirming with awkwardness.

"Thank you, Miss. Briefs." He laced his fingers together behind his back in what he supposed was an elegant manner- no doubt a trait he had picked up on by studying gentlemen not wholly unlike Vegeta. "But I believe there would not have been a wedding today had it not been for some much needed introduction and encouragement given by a certain, shall we say, matchmaker."

A slight blush tinted Bulma's cheeks and she grinned at the thought of the public accrediting the favorable match to her.

"Meddler is a more appropriate description, I think." Bulma shot Vegeta a withering glance and he in turn ignored her heated gaze, settling instead for eying Yamcha with a particularly haughty air.

"I would not say that." Yamcha continued; Bulma smiled at the young man's defense of her motives. "They seem entirely happy. How lucky that Miss Chichi found love at such an advanced age."

"Advanced age?"

Vegeta sputtered slightly on his wine and watched to gauge Bulma's reaction, not that it took much inspection to guess at her emotions, she often voiced her opinions despite the negative repercussions that usually ensued such radical behavior. Even though he thought the insult was harsh, he found himself relishing in the male's brash conversation- it was distracting Bulma after all, from the fact that though his mouth worked quicker than his mind, the youth was an altogether amiable fellow. Vegeta found the man particularly annoying however, and couldn't quite put his finger on what drove him to feel so bitter in his presence. Perhaps it was the fact that he was a man of God. Vegeta never really liked religious men, they credited themselves far too often with good works.

Yamcha stumbled audibly to regain Miss. Briefs' favor. "Oh, I just meant that there are many attractive young women, like yourself for example if I may be so bold, in society and Goku was considered a rare catch amongst the ladies. Oh my, I'm afraid I just dug the hole much deeper. You will forgive me for lacking a way with words? I meant nothing by it."

The heiress sniffled, but nodded understandingly. He was a sweet lad, and she was sure that he had only the best intentions. She herself could not refute the notion that Chichi had indeed caught the best fish in the pond, with a threadbare net no less. "Do not fret over it."

His shoulders dropped in relief, but Vegeta would not let him out of a reprimand so easily. "Lacking a way with words? I can't say I know of many members of the Church who are stunted in the area of oral communication. Speech should come naturally to a man who calls himself a reverend. Perhaps your tongue fails you when you are not standing on God's pulpit? Is it an honest fault, or are there two sides of you? One for the public, and one for private occasions?"

Bulma's mouth dropped unbecomingly at her companions blatantly attack on the reverend. She touched Yamcha's arm reassuringly, soothing him with a soft tone. "You must ignore Vegeta's horrible attitude, I do not know what's gotten into him," She looked pointedly at her friend. "But I'm sure he is ashamed of letting himself fall to such a level as to scold a spiritual figurehead like yourself."

He straightened, and Vegeta could see that the youth took obvious pleasure in their difference of height, which made his hands curl into fists. "Actually, it is a reasonable question, for which I have an answer. I do not have two sides, Vegeta. I have many."

Bulma quirked a brow at this, and listened with growing curiosity and… appreciation.

"And God does not simply see one of them. He is an omniscient being; He knows my every thought, feeling, and desire. Nor do I attempt to hide my flawed human nature from Him. There are numerous facets to my personality, some of which I am not fond of, but I do not pretend that they do not exist. And as for your earlier assessment, I speak with effortlessness on the pulpit because I am given the words by a higher power. In private company, I do not possess the ability to converse with such confidence as you do."

_Clearly._

Before Vegeta could make a witty retort, Chichi and Goku had waltzed their way into the trio's discussion.

"I must know what you are talking about over here. You all seem so enthralled." Chichi hugged Bulma and planted a delicate kiss upon her right cheek. "I am so sorry I have not taken the time to talk with you." She clutched her husband's hand in her own, almost domineeringly, and looked up at him with triumph. "We both wanted to thank you for bringing us together. I do not have the words to express my gratitude; you have been such a friend to me, a confidant." The bride was dressed in a beautiful white gown, though simple it may have been, it accommodated her shapely figure prettily. Bulma wondered how much time would pass before she was to receive word of an impending birth.

Bulma squeezed her friend's arms with delight. "And you to me. You have mentored me all my life, if it were not for you I might have turned out to be wilder than good society permits. I would have made a fool of myself countless times and ruined my family's name." She kissed the back of Chichi's hand. "I am so happy that you have found love, but I am also so stricken with grief that I have to give you away."

Goku laughed at her. "Give her away? We only live five miles from your home."

Chichi swatted his arm. "You do not know the strength of a female friendship like ours. We were in constant accompany of one another. Now I have duties that will restrict me from tending to our attachment. It is bittersweet."

"How are you this evening Mr. Vegeta?" Goku bowed low at the waist, and Vegeta returned the gesture, smirking when he saw irritation flash in Yamcha's eyes. Yes, he had many facets to his personality- very few of which Vegeta found himself absolutely enamored with as Bulma was. How could she not see through his humble façade?

"As well as I can be," _Considering the company._ He kept that last part to himself. "Are you confident in your decision of taking Chichi as a wife?"

All of the persons in their party were well associated with Vegeta's temperament, so neither of the newlyweds were offended by his inquisitive nature.

"I am! I've never wanted another woman like I wanted Chichi. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with her." Chichi snuggled into her husband's side, much to Vegeta's disgust.

The festives continued late into the night, much food was served and feet were nearly lost in the wake of vigorous dancing. Bulma was offered many arms, Vegeta being none of them, which she assumed was due to his disenchantment with her affection for the good Mr. Yamcha. They were amongst the last to leave, and as Bulma stood with Chichi in the open courtyard she kissed her friend upon the cheek once more. "I will miss you."

Chichi hugged her tightly. "And I you. Thank you for being such a fine young lady." The older woman pulled back. "My greatest hope is that you will find the same happiness as I have. Perhaps you should focus on your own future now, instead of making one for others. I'm sure you have many prospects."

Bulma sighed. "I have not met him yet. And I feel only the deepest stirring of love will compel me to marry. Perhaps I will die an old maid, but at least I will know that I did not force myself into a union that was not agreeable."

"Oh dear," Bulma's raven haired companion cupped her cheek in a gentle manner. "It is better to have lost in love, than to have never loved at all."

This made Bulma uncomfortable for some reason, and she could only bid the couple goodnight, she was so unsettled by it.

Vegeta helped her into the carriage. Since his estate was on the way back, they had shared transportation that night. He sat next to her, arms crossed, while her father and mother proceeded to climb in behind them. They weren't five minutes into their journey home when Mr. Briefs began to snore. Mrs. Briefs stared obliviously out the window.

"That Mr. Yamcha is such a gentleman. I don't know why you were so harsh with him."

Vegeta rolled his onyx eyes, not very polite, but they knew each other well enough to behave in a casual way. It was one of the reasons why he favored Bulma's company; he could drop the mask of manners and general curtsey around her. "You are clearly blinded by the fact that he is a reverend. There is something about him that is very unpleasant."

"And what might that be?"

He watched her, frowning. The moonlight sifted through the open window of the carriage, and her skin glowed in an almost ethereal fashion. A warm breeze swept through the carriage and lifted her bangs off her forehead. There were many things he disliked about the youth. He disliked that Yamcha had interrupted them. He disliked that the man invoked a reaction out of Bulma that led her to place a hand on him. He disliked the way he looked at the blue haired heiress, with hunger and intent in his gaze. But he couldn't tell her those things; she would think he was being silly and perhaps even jealous. If he was being honest with himself, he felt absurd in thinking them at all. Bulma was his friend- they had been close companions since childhood. Their parents were well connected and so it was no surprise that he and Miss. Briefs had become so also. "He is not quite so…" He struggled to find the right words. "meek as he seems."

"On the contrary, I think the word describes him perfectly."

He exhaled heavily, not exactly overjoyed that he had only driven her opinion of the weakling higher.

She began to thrum her fingers on her knee, and he knew she was planning something dastardly.

"What?" She looked at him with large round eyes.

"Your face. I can tell your scheming. Whatever it is, I'm already going to suggest you forget about it."

She whined. "But he is so lonely. You can tell he is starved for companionship."

"Hn." Was all he offered on the subject.

"Did you see that strange beautiful young lady tonight? I doubt she has barely been introduced to society, but I imagine they would make a nice set."

"Set?" He scoffed at her verbiage. "They are not pieces to a game, woman. They are people. And you would do well to stay out of their personal lives. You made a lucky guess with Chichi and Goku. Take that victory and be content with it. If you were to convince another pair they were in love, and they were to find out that it was a false notion, well let's just say- even if it involved Mr. Yamcha- I would pity the poor souls. They could not terminate their bond without shaming themselves- especially considering Yamcha's position in the church." The more he thought about it, the worse an idea it became. "No. You had best keep your whims to yourself. Not only would they be publicly assaulted, but you would forever brand yourself an irredeemable meddler."

"Have you not known the triumph of a lucky guess?" She wailed. "I have! And I can make one again. That young woman, I think her name is Lunch, she needs to be pushed in the right direction. And their personalities would mesh so nicely. You did see her didn't you? She stayed seated nearly the whole night. Only dancing three times, though there were countless men in the room without a partner. She is too shy for her own good." She giggled. "Oh, Vegeta, this could be very fun! And you could help! Not to mention, you need to become more familiar with Yamcha. I am convinced he's not so intolerable as you claim him to be. He needs your favorable opinion."

Vegeta growled. "Absolutely not! If anything, I will do all that is in my power to keep them apart!"

She gasped. "You're a fiend!"

"And you are a meddling cherub!"

Bulma's mouth dropped at that, and she brought a hand up to cover it. Then she began to laugh. He watched exasperatedly as she committed a very unladylike scene, doubling over with great guffaws. She was so loud that her father woke abruptly, twisting every which way in his seat. "Huh? What is happening?"

Mrs. Briefs patted his arm. "Mr. Vegeta made a joke!"

Bulma regained her composure, and straightened, meeting Vegeta with a cool gaze. "You don't think I can manage it? To have them married?"

He shook his head. "I do not think you can manage to have them married if I were to interfere."

She pursed her lips in thought, a gesture that Vegeta found himself oddly enraptured by. "And how would you go about interfering?"

"Your delightful Mr. Yamcha is a rather simple specimen- I would only have to introduce him to one beautiful woman with a hearty inheritance to boot, and he would be suddenly very fond of her, I'm sure- and not very interested in your poor Miss. Lunch."

Her lip curled at that. "You do not give him proper credit. He could love Miss. Lunch, I know it."

"_You give him too much credit_. He could love another given the incentive." He smirked as an idea came to him, one so ingenious that he could not ignore it. "If you're so certain that Yamcha has a heart of gold, why don't we enter into a kind of contest?"

Bulma's eyes shone with excitement. "What do you mean by that?"

He folded his arms across his chest, looking incredibly smug. "You may introduce Yamcha to Miss. Lunch, I will allow you that privilege first so that when I win it will make the victory all the sweeter. Not long after, I will introduce him to another young lady of my choosing. If by the end of the summer he has not shown the slightest intention of marrying Lunch, you will admit defeat and will swear to refrain from playing matchmaker for the rest of your life."

She cocked a brow, and then smiled rather evilly. "And if _I _win… I get to choose a bride for you."

He started at that, completely at a loss for words. Was he really that confident in his abilities- no, that was not the right question… _did he really doubt hers_? He knew he could not enter into a contract with her and back out without suffering extreme humiliation. It was not as if he_ had_ to marry someone she chose, he could make himself too disagreeable to want, which he wouldn't think a feat of any kind. She watched with pride as he battled with his inner self. Vegeta could not turn down a challenge, but these were high stakes….

Bulma waited for his reply, the anticipation nearly killing her. Various emotions flickered across his fine features, concern, worry, hesitation, and finally resolution.

"Miss. Briefs," He held out his hand, and she took it, almost shocked by the sudden potency of his touch. "You have yourself a deal."

**A/N: YAY! Bulma and Vegeta- Jane Austen style! XD I LOVE IT! I just keep picturing Vegeta in an Englishman's riding outfit and get all drooly! I'm a horse lover so of course I had to throw in the little detail about Vegeta's black stallion (appropriately named Saiyan) and Bulma's chestnut gelding (appropriately named CC). I guess the characters are a tad bit OOC, but I tried to make it fit the time they're in. Vegeta is still arrogant as ever, and Bulma equally haughty. Remember, Vegeta grew up in a rich, comfortable home- he's not a mass murderer.… So, what did you think? Should I even bother writing another chapter? Should I give up on life? Let me know!**

**P.S. Please, please notify me if you spot errors! That way I can fix 'em!**


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